Couples Therapy
From living side by side to being together.
When being together has turned into silence, or every argument circles back to the same place, it is easy to feel like a stranger in your own home. Blame takes the place of understanding, and the closeness you once had gives way to a cool distance. I help you rebuild the bridge to your partner. In a protected, neutral room — and in English — you can find your way out of the silence and turn “against each other” back into a real “we”.
“When we stop trying to press the other person into a mould, we begin to watch each other grow and to take delight in it.”
Two monologues become a dialogue.
In a crisis we tend to want to change our partner. But that fight over who is right and who is to blame usually leads nowhere. In couples therapy we change the perspective. We are not looking for someone at fault; we are looking at the dynamic between you. Reproaches are often just clumsy attempts to say what someone needs and is not getting. When those needs can be heard again, love starts to breathe.
Making patterns & dynamics visible.
As a Gestalt therapist I am not a referee deciding who is right. I am more of a “translator” for the way the two of you talk to each other. Together we slow your conflicts down and look closely at what happens between you. The unspoken rules of your relationship become visible — and once they are visible, they can change:
Recognising the pattern: We stop the cycle of attack and defence and look at which “dance” the two of you are actually doing.
Translating needs: You learn to hear the longing or the distress behind your partner’s reproach.
Boundaries & closeness: We look at the balance again: how much room does each of you need alone, and how much closeness do you need together?
New experiences: Instead of the old discussions, we try out new ways of meeting each other in the here and now.
Experience it, don’t talk it to death.
Many couples have “talked their problems to death” a hundred times over without finding a way out. So in the session we go beyond talking. Small exercises make what lies between you something you can feel. When you experience what an honest encounter is actually like, that stays with you far longer than any reasonable argument.
What you gain as a couple:
Real understanding: You learn to understand your partner’s reactions deeply, instead of taking them personally. The old blame gives way to compassion.
Honest communication: You practise having your conflicts openly, without wounding each other. What grows out of that is a dialogue in which both of you are really heard.
New intimacy: As trust grows, there is room for closeness again. We bring the emotional and physical connection carefully back to life.
Clarity: Together we find out what your way forward looks like, and how life together can feel clear and right for both of you again.
Your next step.
Couples often wait a long time before they look for support. But the earlier you break the cycle, the easier it is to find your way back to each other. As a private practice I can offer you a protected setting without long waiting times. Couples therapy is not normally covered by the statutory health insurers, so your concern stays entirely your own and we can begin soon. We start with a 90-minute session, to give both of you enough room.
The framework for your work together:
Neutral ground: A protected room in which both of you are heard equally. What counts here is not who is right, but respect for each other.
Enough time: Every session lasts 90 minutes. That gives us the calm to do more than touch on a conflict — we can work it through.
No waiting list: In an acute crisis every day counts. We can usually start very soon and take the pressure out of the situation, with no long wait.
Flexibility: So that therapy fits into your week, I offer flexible appointments. Evening sessions are possible if that suits you better.
